OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER (Darker Subtypes)
Hello, people! Welcome back to the blog, where we’re continuing our discussion of some darker OCD subtypes. Last week we talked about emotional contamination OCD, which is when people become obsessed with the idea that they may become “infected” by the thoughts or beliefs of another person. This can happen any number of ways; through air, electronic media, by touch, by talking about them, or even by being in the presence of someone who’s been in their presence. It’s difficult to deal with- trying to avoid this influence can become so consuming that it completely alters the course of a person’s life. This week, we’re going to talk about a particularly devastating subtype called pedophilia OCD, which features an obsession with the idea that you might be attracted to children, and could potentially act on that attraction.
Before we get started, I want to make a very important distinction. People with pedophilia OCD or POCD are not people you need to hide your children from. They are not predators, and have no actual desire to molest children. They have an unusual form of OCD where an idea basically gets trapped in their brain, and because of the OCD, it gets twisted in such a way that they worry they may act on it. Maybe they see a news segment that gives details on a molestation case, or they read an article, or participate in a discussion; that may be all it takes. The idea of harming a child is as horrifying to them as it is to you and to me, but unfortunately, the OCD allows the possibility to take root. They wonder if their worry about pedophilia means they have desire. They fear they could act, and they obsess about the fear. It can be very debilitating. I’ve had patients that were so afraid of what they “could” do that they were often unable to get out of bed in the morning. They think these thoughts must mean something… why would they have them otherwise? It can be a real mind screw.
Pedophilia OCD is an example of harm based OCD, and there may be many variations on that general theme. It may be a fear that they may hurt or kill strangers, or even parents or siblings. For any person with harm based OCD, the biggest fear is that they are dangerous. The object of harm can remain the same for years, or may change for no obvious reason. A patient I consulted on, a 20-something named Heidi, obsessed about harming her boyfriend. She would find herself worrying she might push him down the stairs, stab him with the carrot peeler, or run him over with her car. She worried about it for three years before she admitted it to anyone… three years! Can you imagine? Once she initiated therapy for that, the focus shifted to a pedophilia based fear; she worried she might molest her baby nephew. It was her first time as an aunt, and she loved the little guy. She didn’t want to hurt him, it was just her OCD talking to her, filling her head with nonsense. She constantly wondered ‘Am I attracted to this; do I want to molest him? Why did I have this thought? This must mean something about me…. this must be who I am.’
It was a nightmare for her. She couldn’t trust herself to be alone with her new nephew, and yet was understandably afraid to tell her sister she was having these thoughts. She wasn’t able to sleep at night, worried she would do something to him while everyone was sleeping. Eventually, she confessed what she was thinking to her mother. With her support, she was then able to talk to her sister, and then her whole family, who all supported her. Sadly, not all do; but she was able to turn to them to seek reassurance. This is a fairly common compulsion for people with stereotypical OCD- they compulsively need another person to tell them what they’re obsessing about isn’t true. Heidi would call her sister or mom and tell them when she was having these scary thoughts, and they would reassure her that she was a good person, she wasn’t going to molest him. It helped take the edge off, but only for about ten seconds. Then it was back to worrying. Remember that OCD is a disorder of doubt. Even after she was diagnosed with OCD, at the back of her mind, Heidi was even unsure if her thoughts came from that, or if it was truly something darker.
Sometimes pedophilia OCD thoughts first center on a parent. People with it may wonder if perhaps they’re attracted to a parent, and/ or if they were molested as children, if something was done to them to cause the thoughts. That’s never happened in any of the cases I’ve been involved in, it’s simply the obsessive mind looking for reason. These thoughts torment people with pedophilia OCD, and many say that they thought they were going crazy before they were diagnosed with OCD. If their fears revolve around molesting children, they will do all they can to avoid them, and not even talk about them. When they can’t avoid the topic, their anxiety and uncertainty is multiplied. They will desperately review every movement they made around a child to help them figure out whether their actions were inappropriate, and they’ll constantly seek reassurance from loved ones, provided they’re aware of it. If not, they suffer alone. They know they would never hurt a child, but they can’t trust themselves, so they really need to hear it from someone else. Self-compassion is often non-existent, self-loathing is more the rule. They believe they should be able to control their thoughts. Since they can’t, they constantly judge themselves, and that often leads to depression.
As you can imagine, it’s hard for them to seek treatment, because they’re afraid of being judged. They live in fear that family and friends will find out the “true” nature of their thoughts, and they’ll be ostracized, labeled as a pedophile, as disgusting or evil. People with POCD feel extreme shame and guilt for their thoughts. Most people don’t understand that pedophilia OCD is not the same as pedophilia. Imagine this: you see a kid and you’re like, ‘Awww, so cute!’ If you have POCD, your next thought is something like, ‘Oh, my god. Does that mean I’m a pedophile?’ Clearly, babies are cute, everyone knows that, nothing wrong with it. But the POCD tries to spin it, so if you have it, it makes you worry that you’re a deviant.
Last week, I talked about exposure therapy for OCD, and POCD is treated the same way- it requires putting the person face to face with the ideas and “temptations” of pedophilia. Just reassuring them that they’re not a pedophile doesn’t work; they don’t believe it. Instead, people with POCD have to become comfortable with the uncertainty, with the risk that their very worst fears are true. Then they have to figure out how to live their lives despite that risk. POCD exposures might include going to a park where children are playing, or to a children’s store, maybe handling clothing. They could watch that pageant show with the nutty parents- might as well try to get a laugh while working on it. At some point, exposures might re-introduce behaviors the person has been avoiding- like having someone who has been avoiding changing a diaper or giving a bath start doing so again- even if it makes them anxious and fearful. As scary as it can be for them, not doing these things can be much more damaging to the children in that person’s life, since people with POCD often avoid giving affection, spending time, or caring for children because of their fears. Ideally, as exposures continue, the person begins to understand that what they’re afraid of isn’t true. The goal is for them to learn that they can trust themselves to do these things without molesting a child or hurting them in any way. As hard as it may be to get there, every patient I’ve worked with has been willing to do whatever it took to reach that realization. It may not make 100% of the obsessive thoughts stop, but it gives them the ability to call bs on them and keep it moving.
Speaking of, that’s it for this week. Next week, another OCD subtype, perfectionism.
I hope you enjoyed this blog and found it to be interesting and educational. Please feel free to share it with family and friends. Be sure to check out my YouTube channel with all of my videos, and I’d appreciate it if you would like, subscribe, leave comments, and share those vids! As always, my book Tales from the Couch has more educational topics and patient stories, and is available in office and on Amazon.
Thank you and be well people!
The Darker Side of OCD
Hello, people! Last week we finished up our discussion on the importance of vitamin D, so I hope everyone spent a few minutes in the sun over the weekend to get a dose… gotta have it! This week, we’re starting another series on OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear about OCD? It’s probably neatness, everything in its exact place, like making sure all the edges of the silverware are perfectly aligned in the drawer. Or maybe it’s repetitive hand washing, counting steps, or checking the locks on all the doors in the house. While those stereotypical obsessions are definitely common symptoms, in reality, OCD can involve any persistent, intrusive, obsessive thought that causes anxiety; it’s then generally paired with a behavior that attempts to quell that anxiety. But the scope of it can reach much further than worry over germs or counting and checking, as it is limited only by the person’s mind. Some obsessions are much darker, incorporating a person’s deepest darkest fears and worries. How about obsessing about killing your mother? All of your thoughts center on how you’d go about it, how it would feel. While these types of obsessions may be less common, they can clearly be much harder to talk about, and for that reason, can remain undiagnosed for years, even if a person seeks help. In the best case scenario, it can take an average of 14 to 17 years for people to find treatment, even though OCD usually emerges in childhood.
Think about having an obsession centering on a bodily function, let’s say swallowing. How many times do you swallow in a day, whether eating or drinking or not… ever noticed? Probably not, unless that happens to be an obsessive thought for you. Do you ever worry about the ability to swallow when you need to… do you doubt it? Can you imagine how debilitating something like that could be? And most people have more than one obsession that draws their focus. I did have a patient with OCD who thought he was Jesus, so all of his obsessions centered on that. He dressed like Jesus, wore his hair and beard like Jesus, and acted like Jesus- or how I imagine Jesus would act- with this “peace, brother” persona that he never dropped. He was court ordered, but totally harmless. The total effect was, well… honestly, kinda eerie. That could’ve been me- for some reason, it gave me flashbacks to confirmation classes as a kid. Anyhoo, he was so sure of his true identity that he would only date women named Mary. Yep. Sometimes in OCD, all of the obsessions are present in the mind at once, competing for attention, while at other times, one will take center stage, while the others wait in the wings. Depending on the year, the day, or even the minute, OCD can look completely different, even within one individual.
At its core, OCD is a disorder of doubt. A person can’t be sure that their thoughts aren’t indicative of something that may happen in real life. They can’t be sure of their safety, their intentions, their motives, or even their true realities. And yet, most people with OCD are completely, and usually painfully, aware that what they’re thinking isn’t true. For example, a person with a contamination obsession knows deep down that they don’t need to wash their hands for the 100th time, but they cannot get past the possibility that there could be germs lingering there. They’re haunted by the reality that there could be. Are those germs dangerous… could they make them sick, even kill them? That doubt is what they obsess over. So they continue to wash. When people find out what I do, at cocktail parties and the like, they’ll sometimes ask me, what’s the weirdest/ worst/ scariest symptom or diagnosis you see? Well, when it comes to OCD, there’s really no hierarchy to suffering- one obsession isn’t necessarily inherently worse than another- the worst obsession is the one that’s right now. Still, some forms of OCD are more challenging to deal with, diagnose, and treat. To start with, the content of some obsessions are so taboo that people simply won’t divulge it, so they suffer without finding the help they need. Sometimes they don’t even know that they have OCD, that that’s what’s driving these obsessive thoughts. So this week we’ll be talking about the darker side of OCD, examining some lesser known types you may have never heard of.
Before we start, a note on these subtypes. Although all forms of OCD have symptoms in common, the way these symptoms present themselves in daily life differs a lot from person to person. Usually, OCD fixates around one or more themes, and some of the most common themes are contamination, harm, checking, and perfection. The content of a person’s obsessions isn’t ultimately the important part, though it’s certainly what feels important in the moment. Someone’s subtype is really just their manifestation of symptoms- the particular way their OCD affects them. What does the mind focus on, and what thoughts and actions result from this focus? Psych geeks like me call a condition like OCD “heterogeneous” because it varies so much from one person to the next, but there are a few common “clusters” of symptoms. There’s a lot of discussion about these symptom clusters, and even more debate about whether or not they should be classified as more specific categories or subtypes. But there are clear groups of obsessions and compulsions that pop up regularly in people with OCD. Many clinicians try not to talk about subtypes because there isn’t any real research backing them. They’re not perfect categories or neat little boxes you’re supposed to fit into, so if you have OCD, it’s not worth spending too much time trying to figure out which subtype you fit into if it’s not immediately apparent. That said, for lots of folks with OCD, the immediate recognition of their own experience in a list of subtypes is a powerful thing, and may actually be the start of the treatment process.
So ultimately, I’ve chosen to go with calling these subtypes, but you can call them forms of OCD, or whatever you want, really. The point is that the symptoms seem to fall into groups naturally, and the info just needs to be out there so there’s more awareness of what lots of folks with OCD struggle with on a daily basis. Imagine that you’ve thought of yourself as truly- and totally uniquely- messed up for a long time. No way anyone has ever had the thoughts you have, or so you think. All of a sudden, you’re crusing the interwebs and see a list of symptoms that match yours exactly. Recognizing yourself in this OCD subtype, you’re not alone anymore- there are enough people like you out there to have your own type. Maybe you don’t have to feel hopeless anymore, because other people have clearly faced similar struggles, with similar types of obsessions and compulsions. There’s no realization that comes close to that kind of hope. Listing subtypes may be an imperfect way of categorizing OCD, because people may mistakenly think of them as distinct conditions rather than common manifestations of the same diagnosis, but I think it’s the way it should be. All of that said, keep in mind that there are hundreds of different ways OCD can show up in someone’s life- people don’t fit in boxes, they can have more than one subtype, and while the subtypes are relatively stable over time, they can change- new symptoms can appear and old ones might fade. Not a lot of rules when it comes to the brain’s capacity for imagination and change. So now, finally, we’ll begin discussing some unusual OCD subtypes, just to illustrate the mosaic of experiences associated with the diagnosis, and to illuminate some of what goes on in the OCD mind.
Hyperawareness OCD is an obsession with a part of the body, or with an involuntary bodily function. The patient I mentioned earlier, with the swallowing obsession, had hyperawareness OCD. It’s also called sensorimotor or somatic OCD. At any given moment, your brain, through your entire CNS, is sending and receiving signals about what different parts of your body are doing- like where your hands are, what your heart rate is, or if your stomach is empty or full. These are done subconsciously, so most people don’t pay attention to them. Everyone blinks and swallows, but very rarely do you give it any consideration. With sensorimotor OCD, a function like this can become an obsession. A person can get stuck in this place where they become hyperaware of some part of their body, or of the signal controlling it in their brain. I had a patient obsessed with blinking. Every morning, her first thought upon waking was to check to make sure she was still blinking, or still able to blink. And the thought persisted throughout the day… am I blinking now? It was consuming her life, not only was it the first thing she thought about, but also the last. She even kept herself awake with it, because she would close her eyes to sleep and would have to open them and make sure she could still blink.
When anyone starts to think about things like involuntary processes- even for people without OCD- they can become heightened. If thinking about “it” makes it happen, and if “it” happening makes you think about it… well, you can see how easily this could lead to an obsession in the mind. To make matters worse, a lot of the anxiety in OCD lies in the person’s fear that they’ll never stop thinking about the blinking or swallowing, or whatever the obsession may be. And of course, the more they monitor it, the more they try to control it, the less automatic it feels, the more controlled it feels, and the more it seems like they’re never going to stop thinking about it. It’s a never ending cycle, and it produces a lot of other obsessions like, what if this drives me crazy, what if I never stop, if I’m permanently distracted by it? And in fact, my blinking patient also had a tendency for projection, so she imagined obsessing over blinking for the rest. of. her. life… ife… ife… ife…. I should point out that I make light of it, because one of the ways to combat an obsession is, oddly enough, to examine it in detail, so that includes looking at the futility of obsessing over an automatic bodily process that you cannot control… forever. It sounds counterintuitive, but dealing with it that way is a form of mindfulness- for those of you who read my blog on that many moons ago- examining whatever the thought may be, and the body part it involves, in an effort to soothe and assure. It can’t control it, but it can help lead to acceptance of the thought, which can take away its power.
While sensorimotor OCD is relatively rare, in addition to blinking, the top three obsessions also include swallowing and breathing; but it can focus on the function of literally any part of the body. It can even involve non-functional parts, like the location of a mole or freckle, or hyperawareness of normal occurrences like itching or heart rate. As you can imagine, it can be very debilitating and isolating. My swallowing patient had a very hard time eating in front of anyone- these obsessions tend to be very self-propagating- and she was too anxious over being anxious about her swallowing. And it’s very difficult to talk about these symptoms, even with a therapist or a shrink, so unfortunately, people really suffer. It’s easier to just keep it simple and tell people that you have OCD and let them think you spend all your time straightening silverware or washing your hands, rather than risk being judged for the other manifestations. It’s a tough situation- while I understand it may be easier, it’s not necessarily better in the end. Some clinicians don’t understand sensorimotor OCD, or recognize that people with it have compulsions. Compulsions are the actions or rituals the person is basically “required” to complete in order to make the obsession, and therefore the resulting anxiety, stop. For instance, in contamination OCD, the obsession is germ exposure, and the compulsion is the continual hand washing. But in sensorimotor OCD, the compulsions are there, but they’re just not obvious. It’s more about the mental rituals taking place in sensorimotor, like reviewing or checking to see how that bodily sensation feels, or maybe trying to actively replace the obsessive thought with another thought.
Given the lack of understanding, one of the biggest barriers to treatment is the isolation that the patients feel. Meds are helpful, and there are specially licensed therapists for treating serious OCD. Regardless of the subtype, treatment essentially the same. The gold standard of treatment is exposure and response prevention therapy, or ERP, which is sort of a combined approach. I’ll talk more about that later, but as with anything else, acceptance is key. If you’re a person that thinks about blinking, then you’re a person that thinks about blinking. Hopefully treatment stops that, but if it doesn’t, are you going to let it run your life? Once there’s acceptance, that then becomes the question, as opposed to being concerned about it. That’s where mindfulness comes in. If you pay attention to your blinking, then that’s one thing, but if you’re worried about it, that’s kind of pointless. You’ve proven you’re doing it right, and that your blink isn’t broken, about 18 times in the last minute alone. Did you know that that’s the average number of times a person blinks in one minute, 18? Sounds like a lot. Anyway, there’s a difference between watching your behavior in a mindful way, and not trying to change it, versus actively thinking about it and trying to figure out if you’re doing it the “right” way. Personal acceptance of anything means being less judgmental about the internal experience of it. Admittedly, it’s a lot easier said than done. There shouldn’t be any trivializing how upsetting it would be to think about blinking, or swallowing, or where a mole is. These things may seem banal to you, but they may be the center around which another person’s life revolves. When you think about accepting anything, but especially OCD, maybe just ask yourself, what would my patient Jesus do?
Next week… more OCD subtypes! I hope you enjoyed this blog and found it to be interesting, and of course, educational. Please feel free to share it with family and friends. Be sure to check out my YouTube channel with all of my videos, and I’d appreciate it if you would like, subscribe, leave comments, and share those vids! As always, my book Tales from the Couch has more educational topics and patient stories, and is available in office and on Amazon.
Thank you and be well people!
While watching news and entertainment programs or scanning the Internet, I’ve noticed an amazing number of famous people getting into trouble with the law because of their addictions and inappropriate behaviors. Even when they’ve been caught, arrested and put on probation, they repeat.
The list goes on and on… Here’s a couple: Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears. These individuals, some people say, have a complete disregard for the law and think they can do whatever they like…
But that’s not what I think. As a psychiatrist, I’m thinking that when people do something where they know they are going to get caught, and they do it anyway, it’s not about a disregard for the law. They suffer from a mental illness.
These famous people might even be more prone to bipolar with manic episodes than others because they can perform at higher levels and do spectacular things. In many cases, mania allows for very unique thinking, which many consider highly advantageous in the entertainment industry. (more…)Learn More
http://220.127.116.11 ~ (561) 842-9550
Dr. Mark Agresti, West Palm Beach Mental Health Specialist — Psychiatrist, explains what is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He explains the symptoms of OCD. Learn the behaviors and some of the medications used to treat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Call Dr. Agresti today to get help with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ( OCD ).Learn More